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Fred Garvin 2.0
03-03-2011, 01:22 AM
Back from Elba. Tho it is pretty this time of the year. Anyway, The Prodigal Poster has returned after being banished by the tyrant that is Xeus Mubarak. A year at the gulag archipelago and I met several dissidents from Xavier Hoopdom.

Well, we didn't really meet so much as tap messages on our cell walls. Btw, Timeless says hi. I also saw Helen, the victim of a rigorous waterboarding campaign. Still she found time to complain about her inadequate dental work. That woman is a heroine.

I wouldn't be here today if not for those heroic freedom fighters, many inspired by Snipe's words on Facebook, who were determined to let freedom reign. Still don't know why they were babbling about "King Kenny."

All of us in captivity lamented how you people let Xeus Strongman have the run of the place. We were especially disappointed in conservatives like 87. Men who practice a brand of realpolitik that prizes stability over democracy. Isn't it time we depose this dictator and end this repressive regime?

I didn't ask for this. I was enjoying my year sabbatical. I was living my Golf in the Kingdom dream. It began with six months at the ashram to be followed by golf at St.Andrews.

It was at the ashram where I had several epiphanies. I thought the yogi was speaking to me til I realized it was a higher voice. The voice said " the most important thing in life is to own an authentic pair of Xavier Nike basketball shorts." I asked the voice if I should follow the prophet Drudy and he replied, "are you kidding, did you see what he said about McClean early in the year."

Then the seer said that Xavier would win 5 consecutive A10 titles and go to 10 our of 11 NCAA tournaments, but, he qualified, "only if you ignore that idiot MHettel and remain in the A10."

Finally, and most improbably, he told me The Cincinnati Reds would return to the postseason for the first time since 1995 under the stewardship of one Dusty Baker. To this he added, "that Billy can really call'em."

It was with these truths that I headed to the St.Andrews Old Course. Kahn's Krazy would not be there since he still maintains he'd rather play Devou Park than any links course. But I digress.

I was looking for my ball in the gorse and heather when I received several startling phone calls telling me Xeus had declared board martial law. Many were pleading I return stateside. I declined fearing I'd be seen as an Arisistide or an Ayatollah.

As i approached the pot bunker on the 13th a band of Xeus' secret police stormed over the hill and abducted and hooded me. These folks made the Mossad look gentle.

My year in captivity wasn't all bad. Early on Jimmy Carter came to negotiate my release. It didn't work, Xeus just dug in his heels. Carter was determined to get something done. And he did as he ended up certifying several of Xeus' rigged elections.

My long nightmare came to an end, not, as the rumors suggest, by and October Surprise agreement, but do to the covert efforts of Delta Force. They were led by American X, the bastard son of Timeless, himself an Airborne man. They descended from high with their halo parachutes and black hawk cover. Those nightstalkers came in hard and fast. Those boys really do own the night.

So now you have to deal with me again.

nuts4xu
03-03-2011, 01:48 AM
I put in a few good words for you Garvin, but I was told none of my crazy opinions meant anything to "The Man".

Only so much one man can do. I did my best to keep you sane these past 12 months with updates, tickets, uplifting speaches that were never seen on Youtube.

There were 2 times I had Xeus cornered, and thought I would be able to talk him into re-activating your account. But alas, have you ever seen the guy? He's HUGE!! I tried in vain to plead your case, but I feel vindicated my words did not fall on small deaf like ears.

I am glad you made it through the fire, for you now enjoy the rewards you reap for enduring your exile.

Fred Garvin 2.0
03-03-2011, 01:53 AM
Xeus' people told Amnesty there was a reason i was taken into custody. Said they found something in that luggage I borrowed from you.

nuts4xu
03-03-2011, 02:00 AM
Look, I really can't speak in any plainer English.

I told you to take the fu**ing suitcase to PMI....not fu**ing Xeus, and to not ask any fu**ing questions.

Xeus is a fu**ing lawyer, he is not going to help you move that weight!

What is so fu**ing hard about that? Should I speak slower?

COME ON!!

Fred Garvin 2.0
03-03-2011, 02:06 AM
Look, I really can't speak in any plainer English.

I told you to take the fu**ing suitcase to PMI....not fu**ing Xeus, and to not ask any fu**ing questions.

Xeus is a fu**ing lawyer, he is not going to help you move that weight!

What is so fu**ing hard about that? Should I speak slower?

COME ON!!

You said to drop the suitcase to PMI in Edinburgh. It's not my fauly Xeus intercepted from my car while i was playing backwards from a pot bunker.

This life of intrigue is exhausting.

Fred Garvin 2.0
03-03-2011, 02:16 AM
Also, let's not pretend Xeus is some innocent. He's more and more looking like the Penn/Dershowitz character from "Carlito's Way."

Lamont Sanford
03-03-2011, 08:14 AM
Welcome back Freddy! Your insight has been greatly missed around here.

Viva Fred Garvin 2.0!

Jumpy
03-03-2011, 08:22 AM
Fred Garvin and Atl Muskie are back within a week of each other. Who are the third and fourth horses of the Apocalypse?

Kahns Krazy
03-03-2011, 09:08 AM
I'm pretty sure they are all Snipe.

X-band '01
03-03-2011, 08:44 PM
Muskieman would be the 3rd - Pablo coming back from the dead would be the 4th.

paulxu
03-03-2011, 09:16 PM
After reading that long first post, I now see clearly why Xeus and Amex met in the National Championship game.

What choice did Michigan Muskie have? He probably hates golf, and the Scots.

Michigan Muskie
03-03-2011, 09:18 PM
After reading that long first post, I now see clearly why Xeus and Amex met in the National Championship game.

What choice did Michigan Muskie have? He probably hates golf, and the Scots.

Nothing beats a Rusty Nail on the 19th hole.

MHettel
03-03-2011, 09:52 PM
Fred, if you ever get out to Seattle, why don't you look me up.

You can call me an idiot to my face. Once.

Fred Garvin 2.0
03-03-2011, 09:55 PM
Fred, if you ever get out to Seattle, why don't you look me up.

You can call me an idiot to my face. Once.

I'm really trembling. Why don't you tell us all again why coaches should never switch defenses. Only try not lying about having said it. Pussy.

nuts4xu
03-03-2011, 09:58 PM
Fred Garvin is a world traveller, and is always spending time in the great Northwest.

I would be surprised if Mhettel doesn't hear from him in the next few weeks.

Fred Garvin 2.0
03-03-2011, 10:02 PM
Fred, if you ever get out to Seattle, why don't you look me up.

You can call me an idiot to my face. Once.

This doesn't even make sense. Why would I fly to Seattle to get in one "idiot" when I've got carte blanche here.


Mhettel, how would I describe him. Dare I say, idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot.
Woo hoo!

chico
03-03-2011, 10:05 PM
Fred, if you ever get out to Seattle, why don't you look me up.

You can call me an idiot to my face. Once.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4pmUNQE7llI/SFMyhhRkbFI/AAAAAAAACKk/pV0lwetPfho/s400/jd+028.jpg

MHettel
03-03-2011, 11:45 PM
here is the beauty of it all.

You have not, nor cannot, produce anything where I said coaches should not change defense.

It cannot be done.

And frankly i couldn't really remember WHY I thought you are such a jackoff, but here you are trying to bring up something thst never got said, and you jog my memory.

I've had lots of fun on these message boards over the years. Lots of back and forth, lots of opinions, lots of arguments.

But you're the one. I'd really like to spend some quality time with you Fred.

Titanxman04
03-04-2011, 07:25 AM
It's a true battle of wills.

Arrogance v. Vengeance

Who wins? Who knows. I have my own thoughts, but since I'm part of the broadcasting crew between MH and 2.0, I have to keep my picks to myself.

We look forward to this battle of wits. So far, 2.0 hit MH with several straight jabs of "idiot" and MH has countered with the "Lack of Evidence" defense. Back and forth we go.

For the record, Firehose coming back would be the 5th horseman.

Michigan Muskie
03-04-2011, 07:32 AM
It's a true battle of wills.

Arrogance v. Vengeance

Who wins? Who knows. I have my own thoughts, but since I'm part of the broadcasting crew between MH and 2.0, I have to keep my picks to myself.

We look forward to this battle of wits. So far, 2.0 hit MH with several straight jabs of "idiot" and MH has countered with the "Lack of Evidence" defense. Back and forth we go.

For the record, Firehose coming back would be the 5th horseman.

(3) MHettel
vs.
(2.0) Fred Garvin

The computer says Hettel wins 69-68. Then again, that 3 seed was a gift.

Snipe
03-04-2011, 09:02 AM
I am glad when he goes after MHet because that gives him less time to go after me.

Welcome back Garvin. With ATL Muskie and Garvin in the house we are getting the band back together.

I can't see anything going wrong now.

Jumpy
03-04-2011, 09:07 AM
With ATL Muskie and Garvin in the house we are getting the band back together. I can't see anything going wrong now.

Those will prove to be your famous last words. I'll make sure they show up on your headstone. I'll just swing by after your services are complete and write it in with a Sharpie.

muskienick
03-04-2011, 09:30 AM
With ATL Muskie and Garvin in the house we are getting the band back together.

I can't see anything going wrong now.

That's kinda like saying "With Baby Doc and Aristide back in Haiti, that island nation will be back on its feet in no time"!

xu95
03-04-2011, 11:35 AM
I didn't even realize he was gone.

xu95

PMI
03-04-2011, 12:16 PM
I knew something was off with the suitcase I picked up in Edinburgh. It had like $40 and a bunch of IOUs. But I couldn't for the life of me remember what was supposed to be in that thing. Or how I got there.

Cheesehead
03-04-2011, 06:10 PM
Welcome back, O' wise one. I enjoy your prose.

Good to see you the other night. I am going to take you up on Sammy's.