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ballyhoohoo
01-25-2011, 07:42 AM
Our HR guy sends out poistive thought emails, todays was gifted to us by a frenchman with an unfourtunate name

"To live in the presence of great truths and eternal laws, to be led by permanent ideals - that is what keeps a man patient when the world ignores him, and calm and unspoiled when the world praises him."


-- Honore De Balzac (1799-1850) French Novelist

And yes, he looks like John Lovitz

http://wpcontent.answcdn.com/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/6e/Balzac.jpg/220px-Balzac.jpg

My challenge, to be rewarded by reps: provide fake excerpts from his bio, such as:

"ballzac, like picaso experienced a blue period in which many of his writings drifted towards less then honorable thoughts"

or
"as a child he had many failures, his tudors often encouraged balzac with constant attention and affection"

ballyhoohoo
01-25-2011, 07:45 AM
one more:

"although he died childless, one can be asured there are many Balzacs remaining in france"

Titanxman04
01-25-2011, 07:56 AM
Much like stars today, the young Marcus started his career in adult literature. He became so wildly popular amongst the French underclass, that when he ventured off onto more serious works, his porn name stuck.

"I vaz not thrilled at first. But, when my manager told me that my name de pornographique would help me zell more books... I said, 'F*ck it, lez keep it.'"

-Honore De Balzac (1799-1850) French Novelist

coasterville95
01-25-2011, 07:57 AM
I remember the name instantly from The Music Man when the busy body women of the small Iowa city are on the more progressive librarians case about perceived 'dirty books' in the library - one of them utters the authors name Balzac in utter disdain.

Titanxman04
01-25-2011, 07:58 AM
http://wpcontent.answcdn.com/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/6e/Balzac.jpg/220px-Balzac.jpg

Concerning my previous post... look at the guy. He just screams porn. Dirty porn. The kind that you need a shower after your roommates dared you to watch it. The kind that snipe probably has a suitcase full of. :D

ballyhoohoo
01-25-2011, 08:00 AM
someone rep titanman for me

Jumpy
01-25-2011, 08:18 AM
http://wpcontent.answcdn.com/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/6e/Balzac.jpg/220px-Balzac.jpg

Concerning my previous post... look at the guy. He just screams porn. Dirty porn. The kind that you need a shower after your roommates dared you to watch it. The kind that snipe probably has a suitcase full of. :D

I agree. The guy looks like he hasn't seen a bar of soap in six months. If he were alive today, he would be a level 70 night elf living in his mom's basement, surrounded by cat shit, pizza boxes and Red Bull cans.

muskiefan82
01-25-2011, 08:25 AM
While growing up in France, his parents were poor, but became destitute during his early childhood. His parents were unable to provide for the family and eventually were forced to give one of their children away simply to survive. This was a tough time for Balzac and he remembers exclaiming to the authorities when they came to take away his brother, "please don't take a Balzac away!"

paulxu
01-25-2011, 08:36 AM
I think I saw him on NYPD Blue once.

http://www.wearysloth.com/Gallery/ActorsF/6053-2073.gif

Kahns Krazy
01-25-2011, 08:58 AM
Marge: I cannot believe this! I'm trying to give our daughter a head start
in life, and you aren't not helping a bit!
Homer: Marge, name one successful person in life who ever lived without air
conditioning.
Marge: Balzac!
Homer: No need for potty mouth just because you can't think of one.
Marge: But Balzac is the name!
Homer: [interrupting] "If if's and but's were candy and nuts..." eh,
how does the rest of that go?

muskiefan82
01-25-2011, 09:19 AM
While growing up in France, his parents were poor, but became destitute during his early childhood. His parents were unable to provide for the family and eventually were forced to give one of their children away simply to survive. This was a tough time for Balzac and he remembers exclaiming to the authorities when they came to take away his brother, "please don't take a Balzac away!"

Years later, he would be out taking a walk in between chapters of his latest literary masterpiece when he happened upon a quaint cafe and decided to stop and have something to eat. He sat down and glanced over to a table across the cafe. His eyes almost jumped out of his skull. Balzac adjusted his position to get a better view and there he was. His twin brother was right there. Balzac raised up, tensed and exploded over to the other table. He reached out, grabbed his fellow Balzac and exclaimed, "I've found you!! Two Balzacs are better than one!!!"

Titanxman04
01-25-2011, 09:27 AM
Years later, he would be out taking a walk in between chapters of his latest literary masterpiece when he happened upon a quaint cafe and decided to stop and have something to eat. He sat down and glanced over to a table across the cafe. His eyes almost jumped out of his skull. Balzac adjusted his position to get a better view and there he was. His twin brother was right there. Balzac raised up, tensed and exploded over to the other table. He reached out, grabbed his fellow Balzac and exclaimed, "I've found you!! Two Balzacs are better than one!!!"

Awesome.

nuts4xu
01-25-2011, 09:45 AM
http://wpcontent.answcdn.com/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/6e/Balzac.jpg/220px-Balzac.jpghttp://cdn.uproxx.com/media/images/458/458_6ab804c8a2b3da7262c198832dd4d0a7.jpg

Benxman
01-25-2011, 10:04 AM
:D
You guys are fabulous! How do you do it!? Ha! Ha! Wonderful.
Thanks for making my day. :D

GO MUSKIES!

:logo:

Pluto
01-25-2011, 11:20 AM
Balzac discovered if you take the dried tea leaves and put it in a small pouch you can make small servings of tea.

Pluto
01-25-2011, 11:56 AM
I forgot to note that he could give those pouches out to women he fancies...multiple times if needed.

muskiefan82
01-25-2011, 12:00 PM
Years later, he would be out taking a walk in between chapters of his latest literary masterpiece when he happened upon a quaint cafe and decided to stop and have something to eat. He sat down and glanced over to a table across the cafe. His eyes almost jumped out of his skull. Balzac adjusted his position to get a better view and there he was. His twin brother was right there. Balzac raised up, tensed and exploded over to the other table. He reached out, grabbed his fellow Balzac and exclaimed, "I've found you!! Two Balzacs are better than one!!!"

His brother, not expecting such an event, jumped back and kicked the other Balzac while screaming "get off of me!!" The Balzac laid on the ground in excruciating pain and looked at his brother and said, "only a Balzac would kick another Balzac."

The owner of the cafe ran out to stop the fight. He got between the brothers and pushed them apart. The newly found Balzac brother looked at the owner, then at the Balzac on the ground and told the owner to stop being a dick and getting between us. The brother reached down, grabbed the other Balzac, pulled him up and the two Balzac's stood together with the dick owner slightly to the side. The two were never separated again.

ballyhoohoo
01-25-2011, 01:11 PM
His brother Harold, while not as commonly referenced in emails from local HR guys is very popular among women of Armenian heritage. The only thing better then a Balzac is a Harry Balzac

Pete Delkus
01-25-2011, 03:13 PM
He had a tough childhood as the smart kid is always know as "The Brian". A sickly boy, he always had a uncontrollable urge to turn the right, then cough.

He entered the Army where his shaggy looks didn't fly. His Sergeant would constantly harp: "That Balzac needs a trim." He felt like he was getting the shaft and chalked it up to his appearance. Everyone loves you at the top, he thought, but no one ever pays attention to a shaggy Balzac

ballyhoohoo
01-25-2011, 03:16 PM
The man won't let me rep you PeteDelkus, that was a thing of beauty

Blue Blooded-05
01-25-2011, 03:34 PM
http://wpcontent.answcdn.com/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/6e/Balzac.jpg/220px-Balzac.jpghttp://cdn.uproxx.com/media/images/458/458_6ab804c8a2b3da7262c198832dd4d0a7.jpg

Nuts4xu.... I noticed this was posted at 10:45... Please tell me you google searched "Ron Jeremy" at work.

Fireball
01-25-2011, 03:40 PM
The owner of the cafe ran out to stop the fight. He got between the brothers and pushed them apart. The newly found Balzac brother looked at the owner, then at the Balzac on the ground and told the owner to stop being a dick and getting between us. The brother reached down, grabbed the other Balzac, pulled him up and the two Balzac's stood together with the dick owner slightly to the side. The two were never separated again.

And that bar owner who got in between the two Balzacs?

His name...was Richard Head. Dick. Head. Dickhead. Thus beginning an insult that has been handed down from generation to generation ever since.

...and now you know...the rest of the story.

ballyhoohoo
01-25-2011, 03:40 PM
http://wpcontent.answcdn.com/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/6e/Balzac.jpg/220px-Balzac.jpghttp://cdn.uproxx.com/media/images/458/458_6ab804c8a2b3da7262c198832dd4d0a7.jpg


Nuts4xu.... I noticed this was posted at 10:45... Please tell me you google searched "Ron Jeremy" at work.

actually that is just a stock photo that Nuts keeps on his laptop

bobbiemcgee
01-25-2011, 03:43 PM
I forgot to note that he could give those pouches out to women he fancies...multiple times if needed.

......until he was spent and became BlueBalzac

X-band '01
01-25-2011, 07:32 PM
Nuts4xu.... I noticed this was posted at 10:45... Please tell me you google searched "Ron Jeremy" at work.

When you're at work, you google Stan Van Gundy and the picture comes up. When you get home, then you can google Ron Jeremy to get said pic.

stjamesxu08
01-25-2011, 07:48 PM
It is rumored that Balzac spent some time in Cincinnati while he was in his early porn stages. The directors and producers decided he was the perfect candidate to introduce a new position to the industry, because of course of his naivete. The position, it is rumored, is to tie a bowtie around Balzac's neck and then have Balzac drape himself around the females chin and neck area. Nowadays it has become known as "The Dahani Jones" or "Cincinnati Bowtie"...it happens when Balzac falls ever so softly on and around the girls neck...quite the contribution he made! Thank you Balzac!

http://blindie.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/dhani_jones-286x400.jpg

stjamesxu08
01-25-2011, 07:49 PM
It is rumored that Balzac spent some time in Cincinnati while he was in his early porn stages. The directors and producers decided he was the perfect candidate to introduce a new position to the industry, because of course of his naivete. The position, it is rumored, is to tie a bowtie around Balzac's neck and then have Balzac drape himself around the females chin and neck area. Nowadays it has become known as "The Dhani Jones" or "Cincinnati Bowtie"...it happens when Balzac falls ever so softly on and around the girls neck...quite the contribution he made! Thank you Balzac!

http://blindie.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/dhani_jones-286x400.jpg

ballyhoohoo
06-16-2012, 09:31 PM
Bump. Read for a laugh. Enjoy